


Tears and Rain

by klainederful



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, I needed Ronan to comfort Adam okay, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Blue Lily Lily Blue, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 18:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3739597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klainederful/pseuds/klainederful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>A clap of thunder so loud the walls seemed to shake with it, and something snapped inside of Adam. His eyes filled with tears again, burning and unstoppable, and his body started to tremble uncontrollably, as if the wind outside had somehow found a way inside him, too.</i>
</p><p>(Adam is afraid of thunderstorms. Luckily, Ronan's there for him.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears and Rain

Adam was five when it all started. The thin walls of the trailer shook with the force of the storm, raindrops hitting the roof like they were trying to break through, thunders like powerful screams. He was curled on his bed, his little body trembling under the sheets, and was so terrified he didn't realize he was crying loudly, calling for his mama. His father came instead, angry at him for waking him up, and Adam was left with a bloody lip, a bleeding heart and the knowledge that he was to fear not only what was outside his home, but also what was inside it.

Adam rubbed his tired eyes and focused on the textbook in front of him, trying to block out the roar of the wind and the rapping of the first raindrops on the tiny window of his apartment.

_It’s fine. He’s not here._

A flash of lightning illuminated the entire room, creating ominous shadows in the far corners, and he braced himself for what was next. When the thunder came, it was still far away, but Adam's heart beat frantically in his chest, as if trying to escape from his ribcage.

There was a knock at the door and Adam froze, panic flooding his veins and knotting his stomach. The knock came again, rapid and impatient, a sound Adam recognized. It was just Ronan.

A sigh of relief escaped his lips and he hung his head, ashamed of his own irrational fear. He considered not answering, but a tiny part of him was glad to have company.

When he opened the door, not before schooling his face in a neutral expression, Ronan came barging in, followed by the smell of chocolate.

"Hey, Parrish. I come bearing gifts."

He shoved a hot to-go cup into his hands and threw himself on Adam's bed, somehow managing not to spill the contents of his own cup. Chainsaw left her usual spot on his shoulder to perch on the back of the only chair in the room.

Adam rolled his eyes and locked the door, then he went to sit beside Ronan, but more carefully. He eyed his cup warily.

"How much was this?"

Ronan snorted. "Just drink it."

"Ronan."

"Parrish," Ronan rested his back against the wall and took a sip of his chocolate. "Consider it payment for staying the night."

Adam glared at him, but the effect was ruined by a loud clap of thunder, closer this time. He jumped and almost spilled his drink, but Ronan's hand shot up to still the cup in time.

Adam's cheeks reddened with shame and anger at himself. Wordlessly, he took a long sip, hoping to hide his face. The sweet taste of chocolate filled his  mouth and he closed his eyes, willing his heart to slow down. The storm grew louder outside, the wind howling through the trees, raindrops hitting the apartment's window like bullets.

"Were you studying?"

Adam's eyes snapped open. Ronan was holding his previously discarded textbook up with two fingers as though it was contaminated or something, making an exaggerate face at it.

"Some of us actually have to study to get good grades, you know," he replied with a brief flash of irritation.

Ronan raised his eyebrows. "It's Friday, loser. You were supposed to come to Mounmouth. Blue and Noah are there."

Adam shrugged. "I was tired after work. I was planning on going to bed early, anyway."

_And I didn't want all of you to see what a pathetic coward I am._

Ronan gave him a long, hard look, then raised one shoulder. "Whatever, Parrish. It's probably best you didn't drive that piece of shit you call a car in this weather."

Adam began to nod, then stopped abruptly. He had suddenly realized that the shoulders of Ronan's black sweater were splattered with rain. He had also realized that Ronan had come looking for him despite the storm, because it was Friday, and Adam was alone in his apartment.

"Do you want to borrow a sweater?" He asked, motioning vaguely to Ronan's shoulders.

Ronan looked down at himself, then took the garment off with a swift motion and dropped it somewhere on the floor. He was wearing an equally black t-shirt underneath, the claws and hooks of his tattoo peeking out under its collar. "Nah, I'm sleeping in my shirt."

Adam looked away quickly and went to the bathroom to get ready. His face in the mirror was pale and tired, his eyes wide. He knew he wasn't going to fall asleep, no matter how tired he was or how bad he wanted to, but he hoped that darkness would help hide his fear from Ronan. He didn't want him to see that Adam, the scared little boy who hid under the covers and cried.

When he emerged from the bathroom, Ronan was already on the floor next to the bed, arms crossed under his head and a blanket covering his frame. Chainsaw was still on the back of the chair, and her black, glossy eyes followed Adam's every move.

"What were they doing in Monmouth?" he asked, slipping under the covers. Lightning lit up the room again and Adam's stomach twisted painfully. He gripped the sheets tightly, almost painfully.

"Watching some dumb movie or something," Ronan turned on his side to look at him, his long eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks. "I wasn't in the mood for socializing."

_Still, you came here._

Adam reached for the old lamp he kept beside his bed, but hesitated at the last moment. His eyes darted toward the door, anxiety building in his chest and squeezing at his heart. He repressed the urge to check if it was properly locked. He knew it was.

He forced himself to turn off the light, avoiding Ronan's questioning gaze. Once the room was dark, Adam allowed his fake composure to slide off his face like a mask, leaving behind wide eyes and a ragged breathing. He rolled on his left side so his good ear was pressed against his pillow, muffling the sounds of the storm, and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Goodnight, Parrish.”

Ronan’s voice seemed to come from far away, even though he was on the floor right next to Adam.

“’Night,” Adam whispered. He pressed his face into the pillow, inhaling the scent of his cheap laundry detergent, and tried to relax his muscles and think about something other than the raging storm outside. The rain was heavier now, the window rattled against its frame from the force of the wind and the rumbling of thunder sounded closer and closer. Adam curled in on himself, pulling the blanket up to his chin. He thought about recapping everything he had studied that day, but his mind was blank, all the words and notions he was supposed to remember a blurry mess. Then he tried with numbers, but he kept losing count. He could only think about the next roll of thunder, about the door of his apartment and about the fear crushing him, making it hard to breathe and sleep. He was so, so tired.

Suddenly he was a little boy again, thin and bruised and terrified, and the thunders were so loud he couldn’t hear his own sobs. It was like someone, a god or maybe a giant, was yelling at him, but he didn’t know what he had done wrong, or how he could make it better. And then his father was in his room, yelling at him too, for being born, for being useless, for being the scared little child he was.  He was ripping the blanket away from Adam’s hands, telling him to stop crying, to _be a man_. But he wasn’t a man, not yet, and he couldn’t stop his tears, or his father’s fists.

“No, no, please! I’m sorry, _I’m sorry_!”

“Adam! Shit, Adam, wake up!”

Adam jerked awake, his cheeks wet with tears, a useless apology still on his lips. The light was on again, illuminating Ronan’s pale face. His left hand was gripping Adam’s shoulder, while the other was curled into a fist, knuckles white. Adam’s breath came in quick, ragged gasps, the brief relief of _it wasn’t real, he’s not here_ crushed by the shame of Ronan seeing him like this, terrified and pathetic.

Adam studied his face, looking for a sign of Ronan’s inevitable realization that Adam was really nothing special, weak and broken, not worthy of his attention. There wasn’t, however, any judgment in Ronan’s eyes, not a trace of disgust in the tight line of his mouth. His eyes shone with genuine worry instead, and his lips were pinched in dismay.

A clap of thunder so loud the walls seemed to shake with it, and something snapped inside of Adam. His eyes filled with tears again, burning and unstoppable, and his body started to tremble uncontrollably, as if the wind outside had somehow found a way inside him, too. He bit his bottom lip so hard he tasted blood, but a sob escaped anyway, scratching at his throat with claws of shame and terror. Ronan moved slowly, deliberately, until he was sitting on his bed. Then, his arms were around Adam, crushing him against his chest, holding him tight. He was shaking, or maybe it was just Adam.

“It’s okay. It was just a nightmare. You’re okay.”

Ronan’s word were barely a whisper, but they went straight to Adam’s chest, melting away some of the anxiety and fear that had been crushing it since that afternoon. Fresh  tears spilled from his eyes and his arms found their way around Ronan’s waist, fists clutching his t-shirt. They had never been this close before, and it should have felt unfamiliar and awkward, but it didn’t. It was warm and right and reassuring, like the weight of your favorite  blanket on your shoulders.

“I’m sorry, I-”

Ronan tightened his arms around him. His voice was hard when he answered: “You’re not the one who should be sorry.”

The tears had stopped now,  but Ronan’s shirt was soaked. Adam didn’t move.

“I’m sorry I ruined your t-shirt.”

Adam could practically _feel_ Ronan rolling his eyes. “I don’t give a shit, Parrish. I’m trying to comfort you, stop apologizing.”

Adam gave a soft, shaky laugh and tightened his fingers on the back of Ronan’s shirt. His shame was still there, his pride screaming at him to _let go,  you can do it alone, like always_. But Adam didn’t listen. A part of him would always be Adam Parrish, army of one, but the last couple of weeks had taught him that, even though he could, he didn’t _have_ to do everything alone.

The next clap of thunder was so loud, Adam jumped and whipped his head toward the door before he could stop himself.

“Are we expecting company?” Ronan asked with a raised eyebrow. Adam blushed.

“I just…it’s-”

“Hey, it was just a dumb joke. You don’t have to explain anything.” Ronan’s concerned tone was the push Adam needed to finally speak. His eyes burned with new tears, but he blinked rapidly to keep them from falling.

“I…I could never hear him, Ronan. My father. I could never hear him coming to my room during a storm. And I know it’s dumb, that he won’t come _here_ , that the door is locked and I’m safe, but…I can’t help but think that the moment I close my eyes, he will be right here, and…”

Adam felt Ronan’s body go rigid against his, anger radiating from him in waves.

“I should have _killed_ that fucking bastard when I had the chance.” He growled, low and dangerous. Another crash of thunder punctuated that statement, and Adam shivered. His skin was clammy and cold, and his throat was still tight with fear. He rested his good ear over Ronan’s heart, focusing on its steady rhythm, and felt Ronan’s fingers run through his hair. A shiver traveled down his spine, one that had nothing to do with the cold.

“When I was little,” Ronan said suddenly, his chest vibrating under Adam’s cheek. “My mom used to tell me that thunders were just the sounds the angels made while playing in heaven.”

Adam lifted his eyes to look at him. “Do me a favor, would you? Next time you go to church, ask them to be quieter for me.”

Ronan’s lips quirked up. “Consider it done.”

The fondness in his voice sent another shiver down Adam’s spine. His heartbeat sped up, but the reason for it was no longer fear. All the tension had left his body, leaving his limbs and eyelids heavy, his head lolling to the side.

“Ronan,” he mumbled sleepily, fighting to keep his eyes open. “Thanks.”

Ronan shifted slightly on the bed to get more comfortable, then guided Adam’s head to rest against his chest again.

“Just sleep, Parrish, or you’ll fall asleep during World History tomorrow. And I’m not giving you my notes.”

“You don’t even _take_ notes.” Adam said, or thought to say. Then, wrapped in Ronan’s warmth and listening to a soundtrack of breaths, rain and wind, he fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! (◡‿◡✿)  
> If you want, you can find me [here](http://klainederful.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr.  
> (Also, I'm not a native English speaker, so if you notice any mistakes, please tell me so I can fix them!)


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